A call to Holiness (a personal journey)

 Just over a year ago, maybe two, God called me to Holiness. I have been a Christian for a good while now – over 50 years by my reckoning. I was ready to take on the adventure.

One of my weaknesses was knuckling down to read a book. Certainly, I may start a book with enthusiasm but, end up not finishing it. My bookshelves are heaving with books that I have not started, let alone finished.

Strangely I was drawn to read more theology books. Theology books, I thought, can look daunting because of their size and use of heavy dusty words I perceived to be their content. But I took the plunge. I took it slowly and it began with a book that I had had in my possession for a while. Previously I had started it. But, as is my habit, I only read halfway through the first chapter. I had read something in there I did not quite agree with (nothing major, just about creation and how things may be after Christ restore creation when He returns).

Now, having received the calling, and at the prompt of God, I decided I would return to it and try to finish it. I am glad to say I did. My original objection was still there but I felt God tell me I must be humble and learn. That is the nature of seeking to learn for oneself.

Last summer, the summer of 2019, I was at a conference, and my wife Andrea was kind enough to buy me the Biography of The Apostle Paul by Tom Wright from the conference bookshop. This book looked like it fitted all that I had thought about theology books: it was large and seemingly wordy. I was glad to receive it though. It remained on my shelf amongst the books I intended to read. Later, I decided I would give it a go. I was pleasantly surprised; it wasn’t as heavy as I had feared. In fact, it was quite accessible and easy to get in to. I was able to get out reading this book lots of fresh ideas and new understandings that God wanted to talk to me about. Maybe, I thought to myself, whether God had given me a new ability to grasp deeper things of Him.

What does it mean to pursue Holiness?

Of course, the question arises as to what pursuing Holiness means. Is it seeking to try harder to not doing anything wrong? To try and obey the Ten commandments? Surely that is what God requires, isn't it?

I believe it is not what God is looking for.  Granted seeking to do what God wants, through His written word, is laudable; But from what place does that come?  From where was my motivation?

For me it is a recognition of who I am before God. Seeing first to that I was sinful, also recognising I was dependant on God to cleanse me; I needed a saviour. Repentance then was necessary; a turning away from that that displeases God. Although this call to holiness has been a recent revelation, it is something that God calls all who believe and are reliant on Jesus to deal with their sin. And it is always an ongoing battle.

What does it mean to displease God?

Although the believer, who is in Christ, is set free from the requirements of The Law (Romans 8:2), it is still a pointer to what God requires.

Displeasing God, I think, is a not recognising God for who He is and what he has done. Whether in one’s life or creation. Not believing who He is, and as Creator, what say He has on your life be it independent living, not listening to Him, disobedience, are all ways in which we express our sinfulness.

A broken Childhood

My childhood and background are not a pretty sight. Coming as I did from a broken home, I had little knowledge of what true love meant. All I can say is that God was working to reveal His love to me, bringing me to a place where I could receive this love. Leading me and coaxing me to follow Him. It was like He was chasing me for me to belong. The revelation of His love that convinced me I was wanted and loved by Him; finally giving my life to Jesus when I was 16.

This though, was only the start. I was broken and in need of mending. However, I could not mend myself. A calling to Holiness came even from when I first believed- when I finally relented at God pursuing me. Yes, even then, God was speaking to me about changing my behaviour.  Doing what God wanted was what I wanted, but I found it exceedingly difficult.

Sometimes a circumstance would arise, especially to do with my clumsiness, I would argue with God, expressing my anger at Him or myself most of all.

Eventually, I discovered that God is a gracious, loving Father. He was committed to me, even in my rebellion and anger.

Slowly God was showing me His love and grace. Grace to still accept and welcome me, even, I felt, at my darkest times.

My point in sharing this is to show that the walk with God is a partnership. He has shown His love by Jesus dying on the cross. I recognised it was for me he died. He was at work in me through His Holy Spirit, changing me little by little. And, like when it was in my first coming to him, I was bought to a place where the call to holiness was something I was willing to hear.

What does it mean to please God?

Turning this on its head the key to pleasing God is having a faith in the invisible God. Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. And, Romans 1:17 For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed--a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith." Faith, therefore, is the key to pleasing Him. Believing God, and what He has revealed in His word, begins a process of relationship with this Living God through Jesus Christ.

For me also, it is seeing that this God – The true and living God- loves me. Why has He loved me? I have no idea! But he has shown his love for me in Jesus – God incarnate, who gave His life on the cross to open the way for me to have a relationship with Him.  So, in response, I would love Him in return, for He has captured my heart. My motivation, therefore, is one of gratitude and love in response to His love shown me. He came and died for me by dying on the cross. (Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.) and 1 John 4:10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Following Jesus is still not easy

Although I have been a follower of Jesus for over 50 years now, I am still mindful of my rebellious ways. I am still very much affected by feelings of rejection. But I do have a rock to stand on: Father’s love for me. Knowing he is committed to me. When I realise, I have listened to lies that I tell myself, I return to Jesus to receive His love that He has shown.

However, with God’s help, I am determined to continue to follow Jesus. To continue to discover deeper things God wants to show me.

I am reliant and extremely grateful for His grace to cleanse me when I mess up. And, as I have found, the closer I get to Jesus, I find I recognise hidden sin and rebellion I did not realise was there. It is God’s light that reveals it in my life (1 John 1:7). This I believe, is the essence of pursuing a holy life.

Considering the parables of Jesus, and what they may mean.

Continuing our studies together, we continued studying with our friends the Parables of Jesus. We saught to dig a bit deeper to descover how they might speak to our ongoing walk with Jesus.

 We chose one per week.

The first one we looked at was 
mark 4: 21 to 25 The Lamp

A lamp on a stand

²¹ He said to them, ‘Do you bring in a lamp to put it under a bowl or a bed? Instead, don’t you put it on its stand? ²² For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open. ²³ If anyone has ears to hear, let them hear.’
²⁴ ‘Consider carefully what you hear,’ he continued. ‘With the measure you use, it will be measured to you – and even more. ²⁵ Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.’

 I felt from God:
  The parallel passage in Matthew includes " In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)

We have the light of Christ in us, given to us by Holy Spirit. It's allowing, - letting that light out. Let it be seen by others. How? "That they may see your good works," Jesus said. Showing how Jesus haa changed us.

Hiding the light is a deliberate act. Light cannot help but being shone. So hiding the light can seem like a bit of a rebellious act. We don't want that, do we?

It is shone by showing of our  Godly deeds.(a kindly act, a prayer in the right place, etc)
Sometimes we do not realise we are doing this. This shows we are truly shining.

Result? Glorifying your Father in Heaven. Which is really what we want and is our true motivation.

Our friend commented 
 I really like that idea Steve. You have to be very deliberate not to show your light. Like putting up black out curtains in the war Ben says!
 So if we are spending time with Jesus we will naturally be showing our light. 

I also commented:
 Yes that is just what we need to continue do.
 There is a strong warning by Jesus In Matthew 10: 32-33
32“Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. 33But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven.😐


The following Saturday We considered:
The Patches and the Wineskins Luke 5:37-38
(Matthew 9:16-17; Mark 2:21-22)
36He also told them a parable: “No one tears a piece of cloth from a new garment and sews it on an old one. If he does, he will tear the new garment as well, and the patch from the new will not match the old.
37And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will spill, and the wineskins will be ruined. 38Instead, new wine is poured into new wineskins. 39And no one after drinking old wine wants new, for he says, ‘The old is better.’”

We did not come up with anything between us as some other events occupied our minds.

Study in the Beatitudes from Matthew 5

On Saturday 6th June 2020 I had the idea of reading and discussing each Beatitude that Jesus taught in Matthew 5 on a daily basis with a couple of my close friends.

 The Beatitudes

3“Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

5Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

7Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

8Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

9Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called children of God.

10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Day 1

vs 3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

My friend said God blesses those people who depend only on him. They belong to the kingdom of heaven!

Matthew 5:3 CEV

My friend said: I like this version in contemporary English version - 

Those who depend only on God is their translation for those who are poor in spirit

And the message says those at the end of their rope! Knowing we can't do this life thing on our own!!

My thoughts were: 

I feel it is a recognition of our absolute poverty before God. Having nothing to offer him. And, however God wants to deal with us with, is both right and just. But how he deals with us is mercifully. Matt 15:21-28 the faith of the Canaanite woman.

Day 2

Matt 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

My friend came up with

Comfort, comfort my people,

    says your God.

2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,

    and proclaim to her

that her hard service has been completed,

    that her sin has been paid for,

that she has received from the Lord’s hand

    double for all her sins.

This was the start of the church Isaiah 40 reading today👍🏻

God doesn't give us the answers to why we mourn various things. In this season there is a lot of mourning things that have been lost like the end of Lucy's football season and Hannah's climbing competitions and all the nice things Hannah would have been able to do at the end of primary school like trips to theme parks etc and there are so many people who have gone or suffered sickness etc... But we know for sure he is with us and he knows all about suffering by experience even

https://youtu.be/GAGqvq4N_zQ 

My thoughts were: 

Mourning is associated with death. Seeing that you are dead in your sins. But Christ comes and gives you new resurrection life in Him. Ephesians 2:1-7

Mourning your previous life and being comforted by Christ resurrection in you. Also as you grow in Holiness you see more and more the sin in your life that God needs to deal with. So you mourn that. 

Also comforted that death is not the end. 

 1 Cor 15:54-57 54 When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” 55“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” 56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

My wife  said: 

 For me it speaks of a friend who is regretting what decisions she has in her past, but tonight I was able to comfort her by first of all listening, then hopefully sharing God's perspective.

 And the verses you shared earlier from Isaiah 40

Day 3

Matt 5:5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

My friend said:

I always have to look up what meek means!

This is the message version!

You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

To do with being humble too. Not thinking too much of ourselves. Also not thinking too little of ourselves.

It's the opposite of what the world values - being gentle and humble and self controlled doesn't seemingly get you very far in the world and yet it's what father God values and he says it gets us 'the earth'!!

My thoughts were: 

I know for me it's allowing God to do what wants in my life. He is the one who defends me. As Psalm 46:1 says "a  very present help in trouble." Trusting Him He knows best, And allowing him to step in and knowing that He will. I hadn't always been good at that but I realise I am getting better. 👨

I want to get my head around what it means to inherit the earth.

My wife suggested:

For me it's assessing myself correctly, as God sees me, not being hard on myself or dismissing myself. Holding my head up (sometimes literally) in who I am.

What I said:

Regarding inheriting the earth, a clue might be in Psalm 37:11. Gaining all that God has for you and coming into His promises. 

2 Cor 5:20 For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God.

The Battle belongs to The LORD song

Day 4

Matt 5 :6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

I suggested:

Hunger and thirst is a core desire. When hungry or thirsty it can feel urgent. Being hungry and thirsty for Jesus should be part of the believers life, but remembering that He promised you will not to be thirsty again as in John 4 ( the woman at the well) or hungry as we consume the real food of Christ's body as in John 6.

Hunger and thirst come when you do not eat or drink for a period. So, the lesson could be, keeping close to Jesus and knowing your constant need of His sustenance as an on-going life choice.

My friend suggested:

And I was thinking about how we mustn't settle for any less than righteousness in all different areas of life!

Day 5

Matt 5:7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

I had these thoughts:

This phrase comes with the backdrop of how the pharisees or teachers of the law tended to be so enthusiastic for what the law says, be it sabbath or whatever. That there was no room for mercy. 

Knowing that our Father is merciful, we can imitate Him in how we deal with others in our life. This in turn means we tap into Kingdom principles by others being merciful to us for any of our slip ups- 1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (quoting Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs) therefore, we too, in our hunger and thirst for righteousness is not so blinkered to not allow for mercy.

The Return of the Prodigal Son

One Sunday, at church, someone prayed for me and gave me a picture of me being like the Prodigal Son. He told me of the painting by Rembrandt of the same name.

The more I think about it the more precious it is to me. God's unfailing love towards me.

Yes I am a wayward son, always wandering off at a drop of a hat. I forget all too often how He has looked after me. Seeing my fears loom instead of seeing his bigness.

Just like the Prodigal Son I return after difficulty and sadness. Thinking that if I promise to do better, if I try hard, Father will accept me. Only to discover His welcoming me back is dependant on His faithfulness and grace - hard won by the cross; I return finding out nothing has changed.

Others may look on tut-tutting but I am in the Father's embrace.

Allowing God to Work

A lot has happened since I last posted.

Amazingly we have been at our new house in Stepney for over 3 years. That in mind, a few weeks ago, I was getting a bit restless to see things happen on our estate. I didn't know why was feeling angry and a little under achieved. I was impatient for God to do something. How could I get to know people on the estate? I have to say it got me quite down.

We still carried on with life, of course, One day Andrea and I decided we would take a second visit to a country park that we had visited before. This was Wat Tyler Country Park. It was named after a person in the peasants revolt. Here is write up about it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wat_Tyler

It is a great place for bird watching. On this day though, it was cold and cloudy and rather windy. Despite that we were still able to name 35 species of birds including a rare sighting of a cuckoo. We were quite pleased with ourselves.

The country park is well maintained and has a visitors centre. We went in there to use the loo.

On entering I noticed a little card advert in the rack by the entrance. The card showed “Messy Church”; I was intrigued. It was advertising an event by Christians for adults and children alike to get involved in doing art in the context of church life.

I could not make the date of the event, but, I did ring them up to ask for more details. To my surprise they told me the church meets there each Sunday in the hall next to the visitors centre. I felt I really wanted to go to find out how they did things and maybe learn a thing or two from them. To see if I could apply what I learned to where we lived.

After a few weeks Andrea and I went along. The drive took about 40 minutes but it was well worth it. They weren't doing the arty stuff( this was normally on a Saturday, and designed to attract new people to come along) but was a Christian service of songs, prayers and preaching; it was just what I needed. All through the service I felt God speak to me. The songs spoke to me, the prayers spoke to me, how people of the church really welcomed us spoke to me, and most of all the preaching spoke to me.

One sone song in particular:

"One Thing Remains" by Jesus Culture

Higher than the mountains that I face

Stronger than the power of the grave

constant in the trial and the change

One thing remains

Your love never fails

It never gives up

It never runs out on me

Because on and on and on and on it goes

It overwhelms and satisfies my soul

And i'll never, ever, have to be afraid

One thing remains

In death

In life

I'm confident and covered by the Power of Your great love

My debt is paid

Theres nothing that can separate

My heart from Your great love

Check out the video

Then came the message from Galatians Chapter 3. ( I recommend you read it in your Bible).

I realised there was nothing God wanted from me or wanted me to do to gain His love or be effective in my community. That was secure and unchanging in Christ. I left that meeting changed. God needed me to let go, to stop trying, and let Him do what He wanted to do.

Then it all kicked off.

A leaflet came through the door telling of an estate surgery to talk about issues on the estate and what you wanted to see happen on the estate.

I was off work on one of the Tuesday's this was on, so I went along. Little did I realise there was another person was feeling the same thing. Rahela was there saying she too wanted to see change in the community and to have a sense of belonging and togetherness on the estate. Of course the first meeting felt a bit awkward and we were careful not to step on each other’s toes. Since then though we have got on so well. She is a muslim and she knows I am a follower of Jesus. This did not worry her at all. We have gone door knocking to tell every one of our plans and, because she is there, it has opened lots of doors.

Because we got on so well we were able to secure funding from the estate for a Summer Fun Day and a seaside trip. The Funday has been funded to almost £1800 and the seaside trip around £700. We were amazed.

Maybe I have spoken before about a person of peace that Jesus told the disciples about when He sent them out in The New Testament. Rahela, I believe, is that person of peace person of peace for me in this situation..

And  it was only this week that we had the Funday. It was a lovely sunny day;  much better weather than the original planned day. The contractors were due to arrive by 11am, but, as it turned out, turned up at 10:30. They quickly on with the job of setting up. There was lots to do, there was candy floss, popcorn, a bouncy castle, and gladiator dueling., The face painter was on her way as well. I had to go off and get the speaker system so we could have some music and make announcements. When I returned it was all set up! It all looked very exciting! I was a little anxious that it would go okay, but I needn't have worried, as God was looking after things.  We set up a gazebo under which we had the food. On the leaflet advertising this day we had of the residents who were coming they would bring a dish to share with everyone else. I was surprised: everyone got involved and brought lovely food for us to share.

Using the microphone I declared the day open. Everyone jumped on the various activities. The gladiator duelling seemed very popular,  and right from the start there were a queues to get on. Straight away the kids went for the popcorn and candy floss but the hot dog stall stayed shut until later. This was to allow more people to arrive and, as the number of hot dogs was limited, we felt it only fair that everyone had a chance to have one.

I have been planning to do some kids club type games,  but as none of my church friends we're able to come, I felt I couldn't have carried on on my own. As it turned out though, it was better that concentrated on seeing the day run smoothly.

My friend, Alison Newman (Nee Salmon)  came along. She now lives in Leicester and was down in London for a wedding. She said she would come along and have a look. She commented, when she saw me, that the atmosphere seemed very relaxed and I was not at all phased by the days events. Indeed I wasn't, the lessons I had learned earlier about leaving things for God to do, seemed to of helped me relax into the job but seeing the day go ahead smoothly. That's not to say that the day itself didn't leave me exhausted, after it had finished,  but I knew God was in this. I  was very satisfied with how things worked out.

I  am now looking forward to the seaside trip coming up at the end of the August. We shall be hiring a coach and heading off to Clacton on Sea. Hopefully the weather will be fine and we should have a good time.

STOP PRESS! We went today on the seaside trip. We had a great time. More later.

Things are moving for our daughter SJ who has got engaged and is getting married in June of next year. Her fiance is mark. She has known him quite a long time, since school, in fact. Sarah jane has chosen the venue for the reception: it will be the Oval cricket ground in Kennington.

Talking of weddings, Andrea and me went to a mehndi yesterday.  We had such a good time. It is a real privilege that we should be very much part of the Bengal a community. And they should invite us to what really should be a family occasion.  The mendhi was for the younger brother of the man I have told you about before who is it in a wheelchair after a stroke some four years ago. The joy of this family occasion was very infectious and we loved seeing all the colourful costumes and smiles on peoples faces. We have also by invited to the wedding which is on next week, Tuesday. I'm looking forward to it.

In news about me, unfortunately the doctor has placed me on an insulin pen. It means every day I have to take the insulin . I will even have to take it on the plane when we visit Richard in Berlin early September. I will have to get a letter from the doctor so that I can take the pen through security. I have had diabetes since 2006. It is quite a long time now and yet although on insulin I'm not really at a degenerated state. I have to watch myself, but generally, I feel I'm doing OK.

The mother of a Bengali family, who we visit, paid me quite a compliment the other day, she called up her son, Ayub, and asked "Where is my son?"

"What do you mean? I am your son!" he  replied'

"No where is my son, Steve!" She went on.

She was keen for me to come round for an eid meal. So Ayub came and knocked on my door and told me what mum had said. Andrea and me promptly got ready and went there. When we got there though, we couldn't get an answer from the buzzer. No matter what I tried I got no answer. Are you even tried to get some kids playing on the floor above to come down and see if they could knock the door to get some response. I have left my mobile phone at home so I couldn't ring! What was I to do? All I could do, what's to return home'  pick up my mobile phone and ring Ayub. It turns out the the buzzer was broken. She was in all along. She must have been praying so as not have heard a knock on the door by the neighbours. When we went for a second time we saw her waiting on the balcony looking out for us. She was all apologetic and explained about the buzzer.

We had such a good time while there because One of the boys from when we did Kids Club, Shohel and  wife and child, turned up. After eating and spending some time reminiscing about kids club and telling mum about what happened recently to us and about our  grandchildren, Shohel invited us to see his flat, his new flat, the one he had recently moved in to. It was lovely! It had two bedrooms, a very big lounge and kitchen. He told me that it was a 5 ways swap to get a flat. The council have told him that they knew no one else who had ever had a 5 way swap. But this shows Shohel's determination.